Print this handy little guide out and keep it in your pocket for if and when you decide to come for a visit. Trust me, it will help you to at least understand the gist of what these Brits are talking about.
Birk – stuck up prick who has made a fool of himself. Example: Prince Charles trying to rehabilitate Camilla’s image makes him a birk.
Blag – to bluff or to cheat your way into something. In other words, it’s complete bullshit.
Bollocks – literally translated, this means "balls". Nice. Used when something pisses you off, or when something goes wrong, such as your computer crashing. Us normal people would just say "oh fuck" but here, you say "bollocks!"
Bollocking – this doesn’t mean what you think it does. Get your mind out of the gutter! You would use this word when you’re referring to yelling at someone, or giving them a stern talking-to. Example: Rodney got a right bollocking for misspelling the Queen’s name. Idiot.
Chap – this is pretty self-explanatory, but for those of you morons out there, it means "guy". Can also say "bloke" instead.
Cheers – use this instead of saying thank you. If someone opens the door for you (not likely in this town) or if someone brings you a cup of coffee or a newspaper or something, you would say, "Cheers!" Also used to end telephone conversations: "Cheers! Buh-bye!" This is definitely the one word I have come to loathe since moving here.
Chin-wag – call me old-fashioned, but I think it’s just easier to say conversation instead. But hey, what do I know.
Chuffed – use this when you’re happy and excited about something, as in: I’m chuffed about that. Don’t look at me, I didn’t invent it.
Dick-wagging – this is a variation of a good old North American saying. In Canada, we would say, Bob and Neil (tee hee) were involved in a pissing contest. But here, you would say, Harry and William were involved in a dick-wagging contest. So vulgar.
Mate – kind of like buddy or pal. Mostly used to greet strangers in a so-called polite way. Example: Oy mate! You forgot your brolly!
Minging – a stink so bad you think something crawled up your nose and died.
Naff – means nasty. As in, that looks naff.
Nutter – plain old crazy. There’s nothing else to say here. Move along.
Oy – means hey! Jackass! Pay attention!
Pants – whatever you do, never compliment a Brit on their pants, or ask them where they bought those cool pants, because they’ll think you’ve been checking out their underwear. What is known as pants in North America is referred to as trousers on this side of the Atlantic.
Ponce – there’s no other way to say this, so I’ll just say it: this means fruity. As in, Nigel dresses a bit ponce.
Puff/poof – the British equivalent of "flamer".
Rubbish – we would say "shit" but they’re sometimes more polite here. Example: Nigel, this copy is rubbish.
Shirty – my favourite Britishism by far. This means "uppity". A guy I know told me the other day that when he visited Toronto, and complained to someone about the lack of signage in the TTC, said person "got a bit shirty about it".
Stroppy – a variation of shirty. See above.
Tosser – if you’re called this, someone thinks you’re not just an asshole, but a real moron too. It’s kind of a ruder version of our much-loved word, "hoser".
Urinal – same meaning, except here it’s pronounced ur-EYE-nal. Weird.
And hey, since I like you guys so much, I decided to include some commonly used British phrases. Read on:
Bloody hell – an expression of exasperation or anger. When the trains are late, or someone jumps in front of your tube, you would say this.
Faffing around – joking around, or messing around.
Having a laugh – pulling someone’s leg, joking around with a person. See "taking the mickey" and "taking the piss".
Hire a car – you wouldn’t say you rented a car, you would say you hired a car.
Should do – if you were asked if a certain train goes to a specific destination, and it does, you wouldn’t say, "yes, it should". You would say, "it should do." What’s important here is the use of the word "do" as it is inserted after words such as should, would, could, will and anything else.
Taking the mickey – pulling someone’s leg.
Taking the piss – same meaning as above.
White coffee/tea – if you like milk or cream in your coffee or tea, you would tell a Brit that you take it white.
Wot you think you’re playing at? – the North American version of this is "what the hell is your problem jerkass?"
Hope this helps you if and when you decide to come for a visit. It sure would have helped me when I first got here.
S.
