Saturday was the big day – or at least, it was supposed to be. We were psyched about visiting London Dungeon. It’s something we’ve been looking forward to since we arrived. And when Saturday rolled around, we got up fairly early, bought weekend travelcards for the tube and bus, and headed to the Dungeon. When we got there, we couldn’t believe our eyes. The queue stretched half a block; a two-hour wait, if we were lucky. I wanted to cry. There was no way Dingman and I were going to stand in line for two hours with a bunch of American tourists, especially since there was no guarantee we’d even be let in before 4 pm, the last admission. We stood there for a good 10 minutes, dumbfounded. What were we going to do now? We decided to walk toward the Tower Bridge, and people-watch. We discovered that some people really do think plaid and paisley match. Sad. A couple of people were taking pictures with the Bridge in the background. One girl decided it would be cool to stand on the ledge by the River Thames, even though it was really windy and the drop was a good 15 feet, to get her picture taken. After her picture was taken, she stumbled on her way down, and laughed nervously. Idiot. Another guy thought he would look cool posing in front of the Bridge, so he decided to lie down on the ledge, making what I can only presume was an attempt at a sexy face. I felt sick watching him.
After about an hour, we decided to try our luck at the Dungeon again, to see if the line had moved at all. When we got there, disappointment set in. The line had not moved an inch. It looked even longer than before. So we gave up. We called Karan and went to the best Thai restaurant in the world. Sorry folks, it’s better than Salad King. Mmmm… I can’t wait to go back. We’ve been majorly craving Thai food since we left T.O. and this place was just what we needed.
On Sunday, we decided to head to the Dungeon again since we had bought travelcards, and didn’t want to waste them. There was hardly anyone in line. I almost did a cartwheel, I was so excited. As you’re waiting in the queue to enter, you can hear screams and chains rattling. It’s a little nerve-wracking, standing there in the dark, surrounded by dug-up graves, and listening to someone wail.
I couldn’t wait to go in.
At the Dungeon, they take your picture as you enter – kind of like Canada’s Wonderland, except you get to pose as the executioner and the damned. The good thing about it, other than giving me practice at chopping a certain someone’s head off, is that we now have a photo for our Christmas cards :)
If you’re planning on visiting the Dungeon, read no further…
Okay, you’ve been warned.
The first thing you see, if the German tourists aren’t blocking your view, is an exhibit dedicated to the “Wicked Women” of history, such as Bodicca, Mata Hari, Queen Elizabeth I, and Anne Robinson (of The Weakest Link. Seriously). Some of the women included in this exhibit are famous for torturing young women, killing their own children or maiming their husbands. You walk through this dark corridor, and then realize you’re surrounded by figures in various states of torture. One guy had his guts split open, and the wax figure was actually oozing from the wound. It was really gross. Right around the corner from that was the man whose neck was spurting blood as his head lay in a basket in front of his body. Ewww.
Next, we pushed our way past the group of teenagers from Germany, and headed to the “Crime and Punishment” exhibit, where the kind folks at the Dungeon have left medieval instruments of torture lying around. I felt sick as I looked at the thumbscrews, the tongue cutter and the eyeball poker. I couldn’t really look at these instruments too closely. Just thinking about what they were used for… ugh. Disgusting. Anyway, as you walk through the exhibit, you come to a large wooden door, which is being guarded. As you queue up to go through the door, you’re told you’re being charged with a crime that is punishable by death. Dingman’s crime was stealing sheep; I was guilty of poisoning wells. You go through the door, to be met by the judge’s clerk. The judge hears three cases, and decides to sentence all of you to death. You walk through the jail toward the boat that will take you to your fate. We clambered into this dinghy, sitting at the front because it was scarier that way, and floated through this dark tunnel. We could hear chains rattling and people screaming. All of a sudden, the tunnel becomes pitch black. You can feel the dinghy turning around, and you start to move backwards. The lights come on all of a sudden, and you find yourself face-to-face with a firing squad. They take aim, and shoot you. You’re propelled backwards, down another tunnel. This is where I got scared. Like I said, Dingman and I were sitting at the front, and even though there were five other people in the boat, we felt all alone. You could hear nothing, save for the screams and chains. As we glided backward, I felt something on my head. I looked up, and saw a wax figure leaning over the boat. I felt relieved, and thought it was really clever of the Dungeon folk to have put that figure right there. And then it moved. I screamed.
We disembarked from the dinghy, and were welcomed into Whitechappel, home of Jack the Ripper’s rampage. This exhibit was kind of cool, and the suspense is really built up. But ultimately, it wasn’t as scary as the boat ride. You are shown the scene of Jack’s crime, and are shown the mutilated body of one of his victims. Then you are shown a list of suspects, and see some cool special effects.
The final part of the tour is the “Great Fire of London” where you are escorted into a room and shown a little film about what started the fire in 1666. All of a sudden, the room fills with smoke, and you feel really hot. A door opens, and you’re told to run the gauntlet to escape. You escape, and run right into the gift shop. Figures.
Actually, we spent a lot of time in the gift shop. Some of you already know this, but we’re really into Halloween. We were like kids in a candy store in there. Dingman found this skeleton mask that actually bleeds. It was so cool. We finally managed to drag ourselves out of there, and realized the entire Dungeon experience took over two hours. I was pretty impressed with that, and for once, didn’t feel ripped off at a tourist attraction.
Until next time,
S.
